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Sometimes we expect more from a person because we are willing to do that much for them. Yet, time and time again this year, I’m made to realise how I’m never gonna be good enough for anybody or anything no matter how hard I try.
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But you did. You did trade me for the things you wanted which you couldn’t get with me.
I went through a phase where all I wanted to do was seek revenge. I wanted you to feel how you made me feel - like I rather die than watch you carry on without me.
You thought we were giving each other a chance once again. But in actual fact, all that was in my head was making you believe we had something then leave you right when it matters. For weeks, I pretended to be whatever you wanted me to be, I reigned you in and I made you believed.
There were times when it broke me because we were so, so good together yet I can’t see it that way anymore. I can’t see what made us, us any longer and it sucked. I told myself I had only one thing to do and I should give it my all - to hurt you.
But I couldn’t. In the end, I didn’t have the heart to hurt you the way I planned. You were surprised when I told you that whenever I see/think of you, all I feel is…. Revenge. But still you told me that you hoped you’d find it within myself to give us another try.
How many tries more? Is third time really a charm? We are the same people expecting different outcome. How sick are we?
It’s been two weeks now and I miss you. I cried on the first night in Manila because it finally sank in what I’ve done, what I’ve become. And that, really, maybe you’re no longer going to be in my life anymore.
What am I supposed to do now?
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Day 5: put cellophane on my windows last night, woke up this morning inside a rainbow
(via origina-l)
